TED Talk: Live Before You Die

When I first watched this moving TED Talk by Steve Jobs in the fall of 2011, I didn’t know much about him.  I vaguely remembered that he was connected with Apple, but I hadn’t read the authorized biography by Walter Isaacson which reveals Jobs as a brilliant businessman with an exceptionally challenging personality.

Without any bias at all, I watched this June 2005 commencement speech given by Jobs at Stanford College, and was intrigued and inspired. He begins with the startling statement that he never graduated from college, and from there advises the graduates to follow their dreams, see setbacks as opportunities, and live before they die.

In hindsight, it seems he was an expert at doing just that.

Steve Jobs TED Talk (Click to watch.)

Posted in Photos/Videos | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Annie Dillard Quote

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

–Annie Dillard

Posted in Quotes | Tagged , | Leave a comment

On a Pause

Last Saturday, after a noontime potluck, some friends and I lingered at the table. The conversation flowed with easy companionship as our children circled us in a game of tag.  At one point, my friend’s son Nico, stopped by his mother’s side.  At age five, he was the youngest of the assembled children. Leaning against her slightly, he whispered something in her ear. She nodded and murmured words of reassurance. As he smiled and turned to resume play, another boy ran up and tagged him. “You’re IT!” the boy called out as he danced away.

Nico’s whole body contorted with frustration. “No, I’m not!” he insisted. “I’m not IT. I was on a pause!”

The adults at the table burst out laughing.

“‘On a pause.’ How great is that!” I exclaimed. “I want to be on a pause!”

Pause

I know it’s a tired refrain, but it’s a tune I hear repeated by everyone:  Life is going too fast and the effort to keep up is taking its toll. I’ve turned myself inside out trying to simplify, cut back, slow down, and just say “no,” but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to stem the tide. Life keeps flooding in and pulling me under. I’d love a chance to resurface and catch my breath.

My friend Erin, a wife and mother who works part time, faces these same issues. Her weeks can get long and her spirits overwhelmed by the herculean effort it takes to keep everything running smoothly.  But, I’ve come to understand during the five months of our friendship that there is one big difference between Erin and me:  Every Saturday–from sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday–she observes the fourth commandment and honors the Sabbath in the tradition of her Seventh Day Adventist faith. She practices a day of rest.

“What does that mean exactly?” I asked her early on.

She explained that on the Sabbath her focus is centered on mindful activities with friends and family–a shared meal, a hike in the mountains, a bike ride around the neighborhood.  A day to simply be without being drawn into the hecticness of the surrounding world.  A day to “reflect upon the Creator and rest from all our busyness so we can truly focus on the finer points of life,” she told me. A time to renew her faith and her energy.

“I look forward to Sabbath each week,” she added.

“I bet,” I thought.

happy-sabbath

Over these past months, as we’ve shared the daily ins and outs of life, occasionally Erin has gently hinted that I might find some benefit in taking a day off now and then. She’ll invite me to join her on a Sabbath outing in the park, or another week she will kindly include me in plans for a Saturday afternoon hike. I have yet to accept her thoughtful nudgings towards rest. My family’s springtime schedule has been packed full, and each weekend I can hardly get caught up before life tags me again and shouts in my ear, “You’re IT!”  As a result, family time and rest have been woefully shortchanged.

But the other day, I read a passage that asked: “Is your life driving you or are you driving your life?” Since it’s been quite a while since I had time to stop and evaluate where my choices are leading me, I realized that at some point along the way I became the passenger on this journey. Which is why the more I get to know Erin, the more I envy the built-in, one-a-week opportunity she has to recenter her life. I’m not necessarily suggesting that we all need to convert to Seventh Day Adventism, but I have come to see that there is great benefit in injecting some mandatory down time into the weekly schedule. A time outside the demands of daily life in which to regroup and make sure you are still living the life you want to live, and are being the person you want to be according to your personal rules and principles.  A time to wrestle the steering wheel back from life, so to speak.  Figure out not only who’s driving, but what your destination is.

Rest

It’s no coincidence that Erin’s son happens to be Nico. It isn’t hard to surmise that he learned the concept of being “on a pause” from his family’s weekly commitment to keeping a set of parentheses around their Sabbaths. Even at a young age, he understands that within the frenzied activity of a game of tag with the older kids, it is necessary–of the upmost importance even–for him to pause and check in with his mom. To lean into her maternal strength, hear her words of reassurance, and rest a moment in her love before dashing off again.

I think we all need that–a pause now and then. Some time each week–each day even–to check in with ourselves, check in with those we love, check in with God. Instead of trying to build a dam against the relentless flow of life, I think I need to accept that life in this day and age can’t be slowed. Instead of wearing myself out in a constant battle against the current, perhaps I need to crawl up on the bank and declare to the world, “I AM ON A PAUSE.”  Take some time to catch my breath and find my center so I have the strength to navigate this life of mine. Most importantly, I want to practice the faith of pausing so I don’t become so distracted that I miss the finer points of life: the bobbing heads of my children as they lead me up a hiking trail, the quiet of evening settling over my back yard, my husband’s hand in mine, or a child’s funny turn of phrase in the midst of a table full of friendship.

Posted in Essays | 5 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day

This performance by Bill Cosby is possibly one of the greatest comedic skits ever.  Not only is his delivery pitch perfect, but the premise is hilariously believable. If nothing else, this skit reassures all the mothers out there that they don’t have to worry about job security.

Posted in Essays | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Mad World

After the Boston Marathon bombing, my mother sent me an email that read, “I’m just so sad about the state of the world.”  As events unfolded in the days that followed, I too felt pulled under by the heaviness weighing on my heart–distressed by the madness of it all, and fearful of what lay ahead not only for myself, but for my young daughters. But later that week, while sitting in a high school auditorium, I caught a different glimpse of the future.  And what I saw gave me hope.

hope

My friend Sue had saved me a seat next to her in the second row.  Her fifteen-year-old son was making his singing debut at the annual spring talent show. He hadn’t planned on trying out, but at the last moment, threw his hat in the ring and was surprised to earn a spot on stage. In the three weeks between his audition and the show, he’d spent all his spare time practicing.

“How’s Liam?” I asked, as I settled into my seat.

“He’s pretty nervous,” said Sue, looking a bit strained herself.

The auditorium filled quickly as we sat waiting for the show to begin. Families, high school staff, and large groups of boisterous teenagers claimed every seat. A frenzied excitement grew as boys in the balcony heckled performers who popped their heads out from behind the curtains. Groups of girls ran up and down the aisles in a pre-show game of musical chairs. I worried that the frenetic energy might grow out of control, but when the lights were finally lowered, the crowd hushed each other loudly and settled down.

talentshow

A fresh-faced emcee, cracking bad jokes that made the audience groan good-naturedly, introduced a parade of first-half acts. Boy bands wearing skinny jeans coolly strummed their guitars to obscure Indie hits. A Native American girl proudly performed an intricate hoop dance. Girls in short skirts and dangerously high heels belted out pop songs they’d been practicing in front of their bathroom mirrors. Before, during, and after each performance, the student body clapped, stomped, and cheered wildly–an unrestrained outpouring of approval. Onstage, the performers smiled shyly with pleasure at the attention. My sadness slowly diffused, my heart lightened by the earnest tenacity of the performers and the enthusiasm of the crowd.

And then it was Liam’s turn. His accompanist took her place at the piano while Liam, looking a little pale, sat on a tall stool center stage.  The song he’d chosen was “Mad World,” a hauntingly beautiful yet depressing commentary on contemporary life. Liam’s version was low, throaty, and melancholy.  As he sang, a hush fell over the auditorium. Then, just as he started the second verse, Liam’s face went blank. He’d lost his place. As the music went on without him, he slumped his shoulders and buried his head in his hands. It was heartbreaking to watch. The audience was silent as we collectively held our breath. His mother sat very still with her hands clasped in a tight knot.

microphone-on-stage

Several more seconds passed. I kept thinking, “Don’t walk off the stage, Liam.  Don’t walk off the stage.” Liam, pinned in place, trapped by his memory lapse, threw several panicked glances over his shoulder at his accompanist.  Calmly, she continued to play a looping melody. Just as the tension became unbearable, a young voice from the back of the audience cried out, “YOU CAN DO IT!”

The words hovered in the air for a moment and then were followed by a chorus of teenage voices. “DON’T GIVE UP!” “YOU CAN DO IT, LIAM!”  “YOU CAN DO IT!”

Startled, Liam lifted his head. There was another quick burst of cheers, and then all at once the voices quieted. A few more seconds passed and then, taking a deep breath, Liam lifted the microphone back up to his mouth, and resumed singing.

“I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take

When people run in circles it’s a very, very

Mad world, mad world.” 

Liam finished his song, his emotions quivering just below the surface. When he was done, he quickly left the stage, his head bowed. The applause that followed him was thunderous. As I clapped and hollered along with everyone else, I hoped that Liam could hear us from behind the curtains. I hoped he felt honored for finding the courage to finish the brave act he’d started and for his talented performance.

Applause_meter_1

During intermission, Liam’s parents went in search of their son.  When Sue returned, I asked how Liam was doing. Wide-eyed, she told me that he was okay. “He said that right after his performance, Giacomo talked with him.”

I knew Giacomo. He was the son of another friend, an easy going, likable kid. Older than Liam, Giacomo was a gifted and seasoned performer. He’d been accepted into the Berklee School of Music.

“Giacomo told him that what happened on stage actually worked for that song.  That it made it a better performance,” said Sue. To my surprise, I realized that Giacomo was right. Liam’s emotional delivery only served to enhance the angst-ridden lyrics of “Mad World.”

“Liam is so pumped that he’s already talking about trying out again next year.”

Before we could say more, the lights were again lowered. As the emcee introduced the second act, my heart bloomed with love for Liam, for Giacomo, and for every teenager in that audience. It is so easy to paint young adults with a wide brush. Because we fear their raw wild energy, we quickly slap them with the customary labels: irresponsible, thoughtless, rude, and disrespectful. But to do so makes us blind to their fortitude and pluck, their acts of grace and kindness, and their ernest belief that “YOU CAN DO IT.”  That we all can do it if we just don’t give up.

The second half of the show was as good as the first. One performer dedicated a rap song to the children lost during the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting earlier this year. “So we don’t forget,” said the young boy. Tears filled my eyes, and I realized that part of me had forgotten. In the busyness of my daily life, I had forgotten what those families would never be able to forget.  But this student hadn’t because he, like all the rest of the students in that auditorium, had to live with the fact that one day someone might walk into their classroom and start shooting.  That is the mad world we live in.

REUTERS/Mike Segar

REUTERS/Mike Segar

Yet here was a room full of teenagers who refuse to buckle under either the labels we give them or the heavy burden of sadness and fear that threatens to tip our world on its axis. Yes, it is a mad, mad world, but I have hope because of what I experienced while sitting in that high school auditorium. The members of the generation to come have hearts that beat with determination and fearlessness, exceptional kindness and wild optimism. The fears I’d carried with me that week were assuaged knowing that these young people are our future.

Near the end of the show, one of the singers flubbed her lines.  She stopped, laughed bravely and said, “It’s all right. It’s all good,” before starting up again.

She’s correct. It is all good. She is good as are Liam and Giacomo and all the other teenagers who filled that auditorium to the brim with their earnest hope. And because of them, despite this mad world of ours, our future is going to be all right.

Posted in Essays | 5 Comments

Mary Oliver Quote

“Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it life?”

–Mary Oliver

Posted in Quotes | Tagged , | 1 Comment

TED Talk: Half a Million Secrets

Frank Warren knows a lot of secrets.  In fact, each week he receives over 1000 secrets by mail or email sent by people who hope they will anonymously post their secret on his website Post Secret, the most visited advertising-free blog in the world. In this TED Talk, he discusses how this project began, shares some examples of the secrets he receives, and attempts to discern the appeal of sharing secrets.  I couldn’t help but be fascinated by Warren’s project, and all those secrets.

Posted in Photos/Videos | Tagged , , | Leave a comment